Something To Remember Me By
by HelloLoveGoodbye
Summary: Bella is devastated that Edward is leaving her. But she is determined not to let him leave without giving him something he's always wanted. Something to remember her by. Mini series of two related one-shots.
1. Chapter 1

_You broke my heart.__  
You promised me  
__the moon and stars.  
__I fell for your dreams.__  
I fell for your lies.  
__There was no other way,__  
you know I tried._

_And I knew you could never love me.  
__I had so much sorrow inside,  
you could never reach.  
But can I still keep  
a place in your heart?_

-The End by Silverstein

----------------

_What is wrong with him?_

I couldn't figure it out. It's been bothering me like an itch under my skin for days. I have inspected my brain a thousand times over, looked for signs, or anything out of the ordinary other then the problem at hand, but I just couldn't figure it out. I doubt I would have been able to if my very life had depended on it.

This, however, _this_ was definitely not what I'd expected. Not in the slightest. Sure, I'd had my doubts at the beginning of this liaison, but as time passed by I slowly began to accept that he really loved me; that he'd never leave me.

I slowly began to believe the promises of love he sent to me through his every kiss, touch, whisper, and sigh of my name.

No, I never would have dreamed that the past few days of avoiding me and preferring solitude to my company were a result of the way he felt now. In fact, I never would have dreamed he had felt this way in the first place.

I should have known. I shouldn't have let my guard down so easily. But with Edward, it was exactly that: easy. The way he looked at me; worried about me, had to be proof that he loved me, didn't it?

After everything we'd been through; the numerous amounts of times he's saved my life - from Tyler's van, from James hunting habits, from creepy serial rapists - it should seem obvious that he loved me.

Yet here I stand in the forest, staring at the one and only man I'll ever love - staring, but not really seeing - trying to figure out what I'd done wrong; why he'd want to leave me; why he no longer loves me.

_What did I do?_

My mind began to shut down; my knees going weak; my world crumbling beneath me. I felt my chest begin to tighten into a knot and my throat began to close. My breathing had become short gasps of air as I tried, with all of my strength, to keep myself composed; to make sense of what he'd just avowed.

I did my best to make eye contact with him, dragging my eyes slowly up his face to look into a pair of cold topaz pools. I had to blink to bring everything into focus. That seemed to help me find my voice.

"You don't...want...me?" I asked, breathless. I heard myself say the words, but it sounded so far away. Nothing was in focus now; everything was wrong - it always would be from this moment on, for the rest of my life without him. I watched as he gave me a curt nod.

A heavily grief-stricken sigh escaped my lips. That sigh alone seemed to make these unfortunate events even more final then they already were.

I bowed my head in defeat and because of the worst pain I'd ever felt, and fixed my eyes on a rock on the ground. It seemed to call to me; to pull me away from the confines of the harsh reality that my life was soon to become. It was an ordinary rock; nothing even remotely special about it. A dirty grey rock that had a slight point on one end. In some small dark corner of my brain, it reminded me of an arrowhead.

I took a deep breath, keeping my eyes steadily on the rock so I might have some - extremely low - chance of holding back the tears that so badly wanted to expose the depths of my internal grief and said, "Well, that changes things."

_For you, Edward,_ I thought, _only for you. You will always hold a major piece of my heart in your very hands._

And I knew my life would never be the same. I would be forever scarred to my very core; to the darkest most secret depths of my soul. I wasn't sure how I would live after this - or if I would even be able to for that matter.

All I knew was that I was hopelessly in love with Edward, and that he was standing in front of me, saying his goodbye's. Internally, I began to panic. I had to do something - anything. I involuntarily reached out to him - a result of my panicking - and was overjoyed when he stepped forward and reached for me as well.

_Maybe he changed his mind!_

It was a vain, irresponsible hope. He grabbed both of my wrists and held them tightly against my sides. We stood there for a moment, my heart pounding in my ears and breaking into a million tiny shards of nothingness at the same time. My eyes were still glued to the rock. I felt my resolve begin to crumble with my heart as he leaned in slowly and kissed my forehead.

And then he was gone.

I fell to my knees and at the same moment I heard the most heart-breaking wail pervade the air around me. It took me a moment to realize it had come from my lips.

I couldn't breathe at all now. I had to stop him - to at least give him something to remember me by. I didn't want him to forget me. There was no way I could go on if he'd forgotten me.

"Edward, wait!" I screamed as loud as my voice would allow. It came out as more of a pitiful cry, like I was begging - which I was - then the intended scream it was supposed to be. I wasn't sure if he'd come back, or what I'd say if he did.

And then it came to me. As I stared at the rock, I knew exactly what I'd give him to remember me by. I quickly seized up the rock and held it tightly in my hand. Before I could lose my nerve, I thrust the rock to my arm and slid the sharp pointed edge quickly across my bare skin. I didn't feel the pain yet - I doubted I would - but the blood began to exude from my arm and drop onto the ground.

I ignored it; I was determined to give Edward what he wanted.

Something he has always desired.

My blood.

I heard a gasp from somewhere in front of me and looked up into the angry eyes of the love of my life.

"You came back." I whispered. I was surprised he came back at all.

"What do you think your doing, Bella?!" He snarled at me.

His hands were clutching the low branches of the trees surrounding him and I could tell he was struggling to stay there. I slowly got to my feet and took a step closer to him, releasing the rock from my hand.

"Bella what are you doing?" Fear laced every word, and I could see it in his eyes, "Stay back. Stay away from me."

His last words brought me to a halt, cutting me deep, but all I could see in his eyes was fear. He doesn't want to hurt me - does that mean he does love me? But then again - he is a good liar; he has to be.

I had to convince him. He had to know how much this means to me; how much this hurts me.

"Edward, please." I held out my trembling bloody mess of an arm towards him, "I need you to take a part of me with you." I said this with so much conviction that it startled me.

"You know that I can't." He divulged in a strained voice, still clinging to the vegetation for dear life - in every sense of the words.

"Edward, you can." I urged, taking another step towards him, "Despite the...hurt...you are causing me right now, I still love you and trust you with all that I am." I had to use whatever strength I had left inside of me to hold back the tears that threatened to expose me.

"Bella I'm not going to kill you! I can't end your life! I won't!" He choked out, visibly struggling now. He was shaking.

"I'm not asking you to kill me." I explained, taking another step closer - we were only about five feet away from each other now - and squeezing the cut in my arm to increase the flow of blood. I was strangely calm.

"Dammit Bella, stop!" He growled. I could tell he was conflicted.

The tone in his voice and his choice of words caused my own anger to flare up a little. "No. You don't realize how much I need this, Edward." I stated, the anger ringing clear in my voice.

I continued to close the distance between us quickly - there was only about two feet to go now. Edward was trembling hard, shaking the branches he had a death grip on. I was vaguely aware of the sounds of the crisp fall leaves rattling as they threatened to fall off of the trees.

Edward just stared at me, wide-eyed, anger and fear clearly etched across his face. He wouldn't let go of the branches for anything. I knew it was because he was afraid he would kill me, but if he was going to leave me, then that is exactly what I wanted - to die. I'd never admit that to him though.

I stepped closer still - only a foot away from him now - and held my bloody arm right up to his face. He stopped breathing which brought forth a fresh wave of anger inside of me.

_So your going to be stubborn about this?_

"Get away." He whispered, no doubt trying to preserve his breath to be able to speak.

"Edward, do it." I ordered.

_I'll show you stubborn, you stupid stubborn vampire._

"Get away from me!" He yelled this time. I flinched at the tone his voice had become. I knew he was angry, but he had no business yelling at me. I also knew that that had to have used up his oxygen supply.

"Edward, do it right now!" I shouted back, unable to contain my fury now, "Do it!"

He was shaking violently now. I could see I was getting to him. "Do it!" I screamed again, blatantly this time.

The tears were flowing freely now. Blood was still dripping without hindrance down my arm to the forest floor, the adrenaline now pumping through my veins causing it to flow quickly, my heart beating triple time.

"Fucking do it!" I screamed, slapping him across his face. I knew it wouldn't hurt him - I'm surprised it didn't hurt me with the force I put behind - but it gave me an excuse to touch him, and now my blood ran down his face, over his lips, which he hesitantly licked.

The anger in his eyes evaporated and was hastily replaced by hunger. I'd seen that look in his eyes before - when he saved me from James, and again at my birthday party - it all seemed like distant memories to me now. I heard a growl building up in his chest as the predator in him was released from its cage and I smiled because I knew I'd get what I wanted.

The built up growl came out as a vicious snarl and this was it - he leaped at me.

With all of his weight on top of me now, I had nowhere to go - and it would certainly be useless to struggle - but I didn't worry because I had no plans of going anywhere or doing anything. He looked down at me with the most disgusted look on his face, then grabbed my bleeding arm and brought it swiftly to his lips.

I didn't feel anything as I laid here on the ground - no pain from the venom like I felt when James bit me, no pain as Edwards razor sharp teeth ripped through my skin - just nothing but a wetness and a warmth. I looked over to see what he was doing but all I could see was the back of his head. His breathing was heavy and he held my arm tightly against him while he drank my life away.

"Thank you, Edward...I love you." I whispered. He didn't respond, but I knew that he heard me, and that is all that mattered.

I began to feel drowsy, every nerve in my body was relaxed and tingling. I closed my eyes and let the darkness come and surround me.

"I love you..." I managed to say before the black consumed me.


	2. Glad You Can't Forget Me

_She won't make a sound.  
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears  
whispering if she stands she'll fall down.  
She wants to be found.  
The only way out is through everything she's  
running from wants to give up and lie down.  
So stand in the rain.  
Stand your ground.  
Stand up when it's all crashing down.  
You stand through the pain.  
You won't drown.  
And one day,  
whats lost can be found.  
You stand in the rain._

-Stand In The Rain by Superchick

-------------

My life did not flash before my eyes. The world did not slow down. Everything simply faded to black, and that was the end. My death - the end to my suffering - was quiet, peaceful, easy.

There was, however, a light. Not at the end of any tunnel - just a light that I could see behind my eyelids, like someone turned on the lights in a dark room.

_Am I in Heaven?_

I tried to open my eyes, but I couldn't move.

_I must be in Hell!_

Trepidation was commencing inside of me. I had done nothing wrong to deserve to go to hell -

_Unless offering my blood to a vampire is enough to earn that punishment? Or am I in Hell for wishing death upon myself? I'm only human. I don't get the privalege of immortality - I would have died anyways! God, why have you forsaken me?_

"Bella?"

That voice! It's so sublime, so harmonious, so indulgent.

_God? Is that you?_

"Bella, please, open your eyes."

The voice - whomever it belonged to - sounded perturbed. Was God worried about me? It must be God; I just don't see how any demon could say my name so beloved. Or perhaps it's the voice of an angel.

_My guardian angel. Whoever you are,_ I attempted to converse with the 'voice' through my thoughts, _I'm trying to open my eyes, but I can't. Why are you afflicted? I'm okay now. There's no more hurt._

As I said the words, I realized they weren't the truth. There was a void. A hole in the depths of my heart. Like a piece of me had dissipated, vanished infinitely, never to return again.

I suddenly felt trapped, like I was buried alive, awaking to the confines of a dark tomb, thrashing around desperately in the coffin my head became, struggling to get out. Struggling to scream; to be heard, but no one came to my rescue because there was no one to come.

Edward had been my guardian angel of sorts, my hero, always coming to my rescue - but he was no longer with me. There was nobody to save me now. I am lost.

The panicked thrashing in my head calmed and eventually halted all together as that realization emanated throughout my mind. Reverberating off the walls to come crashing down on my again and again.

Edward left me. He doesn't love me.

The hysteria had rapidly been consumed by pain, and it burned every essence of my being, like it was taunting me. Reminding me that I'd lost, that I was just some boring ordinary distraction he'd used for a time then discarded and moved on to the next.

_But I'm dead! I screamed these thoughts to whoever was listening, Why does this still hurt?! Please!! Take my pain away! It's all I'm asking for! ...I can't take it... My thoughts had become a whisper, Maybe I'm in purgatory? I never made it to Heaven or Hell..._

Then I felt something. It was a strange sensation that I couldn't perceive at first. Something cold, and hard but gentle, caressing me...somewhere. My arm? Maybe my hand?

"Bella, love, please open your eyes."

The same voice from before called to me. It sounded distinctly familiar, but I couldn't put a face with that velvety voice.

"Bella, can you hear me?"

I decided it had to belong to a male - his voice was deep and masculine but affectionate, heavenly and luxurious. It was the most exquisite voice I'd heard since Ed-.

_Wait! Is it Edward?! It has to be! It's his voice. I know it! But...he left me...it can't be Edward. Unless..._

Now I was desperate. I had to open my eyes now! I had to see if Edward was here with me, whispering in my ear.

_Please Bella_, I pleaded with myself, _open your eyes!_

I probed for the tenacity to encounter other things. I felt so heavy; then I felt a rocking motion. I couldn't make any sense of it, but the cold hard feeling was more prominent now - I could feel it all over my back, all across my right arm and in small places on the left side of my body.

I concentrated on the cold for a minute, trying to cipher what it was, but it only conveyed one idea, and until I saw him and knew he didn't leave, then I didn't allow myself to ponder on that specific idea. I wouldn't allow myself to hope. Hoping only got me into trouble.

I decided to concentrate on the density of my body, when I heard something else. It sounded obscure and reposed like the alluring voice, but it was...morose...like someone was crying. I listened more carefully, and the sound become more pronounced. It was definitely somebody crying.

_Where the heck am I?_

Everything just seemed to confuse me.

"Bella, please," the voice took on the qualities of defeat this time, murmuring through sobs, "wake up." He sounded demoralized and crushed.

I still couldn't shake the feeling that the voice belonged to the man I love; and he was crying. I had to stop his pain. I could not - would not - allow him to be hurting.

I impelled myself to open my eyes, but all I felt was a tiny flutter - which was progress. I tried again, growing impatient, but only got the same outcome. Truly angry now, I shrieked at myself, _Dammit Bella! Open your eyes!_

And then they flow open to reveal a scene that only managed to confuse me even further. First was the bright light - I had to blink and squint while my eyes adjusted. Once they did, I looked around and saw I was surrounded by green - trees were everywhere.

_I'm in a forest?_

This new knowledge seemed excessively aberrant to me. I continued to look around and noticed I was lying awkwardly on the ground on top of what felt like a block of ice...

_Edward is cold_... My memory thrust that information at me instantly.

That's when my ears decided to perform its functions and I heard those mystery cries coming from right above me. I slowly moved my eyes towards the sound, and what I saw broke my heart all over again. It also put the puzzle of confusion in my head together.

Everything finally began to make sense. The cold, the rocking motion, the extravagant voice. I was lying in Edward's arms and he was slowly rocking us back and forth. What I didn't comprehend was why he was crying.

Edward's head was hunched, his eyes were closed tightly and his bottom lip was quivering. He was convulsing violently because of the tearless cries that assaulted him. He was sobbing vehemently and uncontrollably, and I couldn't hinder the tears that flowed down my own cheeks now.

I unconsciously raised my hand to touch his face - to smooth away the pained expression he wore. He gasped loudly and opened his eyes.

Our eyes met for a long moment - each of us, no doubt, wondering if this was only a figment of our imagination. Then Edward released another cry and pulled me up into a sitting position in his lap and held me in his arms. I wrapped my arms around him, too, unwilling to let go.

"Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry." Edward whispered, "I'm so sorry."

He pulled me back now and held me at arms length, staring directly into my eyes, "Bella please forgive me?" He begged in the most serious voice, "Please Bella, will you forgive me?"

_Forgive you for what my love?_ I was confused again.

"Forgive you for what?" I asked in a hoarse voice. He looked away from me now, looking unbearably ashamed.

"Edward, look at me." I said, placing my hand under his chin and guiding his head back to make eye contact with me, "Forgive you for what?"

"For almost killing you." He choked out, "For telling you I didn't love you. For telling you I didn't want you."

I was baffled; at a loss for words completely. He continued, "Bella, it was all a lie. I love you so much. I never wanted to leave you. I only said those things to protect you from...from what just happened..." He trailed off for a moment, "I could never live with myself if you were killed by mine or my families hands. But I didn't bite you! That's why the venom didn't spread through you, I didn't bite you. I...I only...sucked on your arm..."

"Edward..." I said, placing my hand on his face - I noticed the cut on my arm had stopped bleeding and was bandaged with...what?...some kind of cloth material, "I forgave you already. I could never stay angry or upset with you."

He held me in his arms then, and said, "I'm so sorry. I'll never leave you again, Bella. I promise."

And I believed him. The void in my chest swelled immediately, and for the first time I felt a pain in my arm. It shocked me, "Ow." I breathed.

He let go of me, "What? Are you okay?" He asked, frantic.

"No, I'm fine," I stopped short when I looked at his face again. He looked very angry. He brought a long white finger up to my face and pointed it at me, "If you ever pull a stunt like that again, Bella," he gestured to my arm, "so help me, I will-"

I didn't want us to argue, so I swatted his finger out of my face and pressed my lips to his. He kissed me back with the most passionate kiss he'd ever sanctioned between us. My arms wrapped around his neck, and my hands tangled in his hair.

He pulled away - too soon - and smiled at me. "We should get a real bandage on that cut and get it cleaned up so it doesn't get infected." He advised, standing up and lifting me off the ground with him.

I looked at my arm again and realized he must have ripped his shirt to wrap the cut in - it was the same material. I smiled back at him, "You didn't have to use your shirt."

He looked more serious now, "It helped to cover the smell of the blood...even if it was only just barely..." He confessed.

I just nodded.

"Where are we going?" I asked as he pulled me onto his back.

"My house. We have medical supplies there...you know." He laughed.

I laughed with him, exuberant that he was here with me.

"Bella?" He asked, before we began our little journey through the forest to his mansion.

"Yes?" I replied, curious - always curious - as to what was on his mind.

"I love you." He declared.

And I was glowing.


End file.
